Journey Back to the Mother's Womb!
I can't go back to being the person I was yesterday and I dislike and disown myself, Today! What should I be then? What can I be? These questions probe through my heart day in and day out every day! How do I get rid of them? What should I do?
Radha loves me for what I am! But can she accept what I did to save my job? Yes, it is scandalous to dvelve into the details, somehow I did not feel the necessity to apologise, Am I not capable or is it my male chauvinistic ego that stops me? I am writing this dairy post to let the world know what my hard exterior completed by ego dissected and confused by societal norms really suffers within the heart of the hearts. How do I let my wife feel safe around me again? What should I say to my daughter to not feel let down by her father? Can normalcy return ever in my life?
************************
Me: Banana Milk Shake with Caramel Chocolate.
Suddenly I heard a lady passing by me at the counter saying,
Lady: Make that two!
I recognise the voice. She is my boss. What does she want now? Why is she here? I'm not going to turn her side.
Lady: I only see you at the office these days, don't you think we can go for a holiday trip, honey?!
I am taken aback by such audacity of a woman to speak such tone in the public. How could she? Doesn't she have a decency? What kind of a society are we living in?
I just took my order and walked back to our table. My daughter got excited by looking at her favourite drink. Her happiness defines the world for me! Can she ever grow up to be such a woman like my boss? Do people like me who have no voice in front of such people, lend to them growing bold by day?
************************
My wife threatens me for a divorce. I was forced by my boss to accompany her trip. How can she not see that? Yes, I got angry for questioning right on my face. Yes, I pushed her, but does that mean I no longer love her? If I am an egoist and a two-timer why would I open up about what happend? Can't she see me for what I am? How dare she thinks I am a bigot? Ok, if she again does the same, I will not hit her, I will not tell her, will just sign on the papers, that's it! Yes, that would be a lesson to this useless housewife. Just to get back at this b***h, I will spend the night at my boss's.
Wow, pure lust can sometimes be so satisfying than the love with conditions. Anyways, I have travelled this far into the pit, further fall can only benefit my career and with my wife deciding to divorce me, I do need money to support the alimony claims, don't I? Anyways, I will truly get back at her when I get my daughter to stay with me! Yes, that will be the right answer for all her questions!
*****************
Today, I made her see what I am! Humiliated her and proved her to be a liar in the court. For the audacity of a dependent wife, this will be the right answer. No alimony, no respect, well being a mother she does get some custody of my daughter, but I will slowly turn her against too. Well, if my boss being a lady can get away with it, why can't I? Sure, this will be a new beginning! I will be the player, enough of the sadistic social norms which don't lead to pleasure and happiness. My looks and physique doesn't deserve such a boring life too! Well, here I come a free soul, ladies!
******************
My daughter, Rekha, despises me. All the time she asks for attention. How can I understand her problems? Being a teen, don't she need to show some maturity? Anyways, I was approached yesterday by one of her friends. Still got it going, dude! Cool men like me never get old!
Saw Radha, yesterday, moved on to some other person. Still she was curious about our daughter! Still she was curious about my life! Such play actors these women! Don't she have another family now? Well, as if she was some great saint, she accused me, ME off being a prostitute. What does her behaviour make her? A matured friend? My foot!
****************
My horrors never end! This teenage sex animal, made mu life hell again. What was the need for her to do so? Can't she wait till her marriage? Who the hell in the world gave these girls permission to have any feelings? What sexual urges? It is men who needs to control them!
Now, should I throw out and teach a lesson? Hmmm, yes that would be the right way to go forward. Aborted her child without letting anyone know. But she should learn how to behave. That bloody woman, her mother chose to leave her with me and she would be laughing after knowing this, for getting back at me! "Look, how characterless, your daughter turned out to be", can feel people saying this too. Let me get rid of this abomination, right now!
*************
Can't find a right doctor, all have become commercial. Don't have a person who can respond to my pleas too. What mistake did I commit to see this day?
Yes, Yes .... I did cheat on my wife, made her look insane in court, distanced her from my daughter and even I denied any love that my daughter could get. Was not beside her when she needed me, may be my free will could have made her not realise the implications of giving into teenage hormones, at least her mother would have helped her understand the difference between lust and love.
Wait, why am I doing this to myself? I did all those with proper reasons! I cannot be wrong, I'm noway wrong! How I miss my mother now, she would have taken my side when even I find faults in me! ....
***********
Note: Thank you all of you readers for encouraging me to write and for reading this short! :)
Comments
Post a Comment