Dissected::
CHAPTER 2: Rivalry with Love
CHAPTER 2: Rivalry with Love
“The day I was told you will not survive this .. that
is the day I lost my will to live. This may be the most destructive feeling I
ever had in my whole life but this is what you do to me. You make me weak,
dependent and I am not unhappy about it.”
Reading this part of the
letter, Kousalya threw it away. She doesn’t want to give up. She wants to
survive and be the happiest woman alive lying in the arms of her love. But his
notes, messages and letters like these, which he sends through emails, texts
and hospital staff makes her increasingly paranoid. His acceptance of her death
and willingness to kill self for her boils her up so much that she wants to rip
his heart out and question, “ Don’t you love me enough to encourage me survive
this? Don’t you see that you are weakening me with this jibber jabber? Can’t
you understand that living with you and only with you is what I did for the
past 30 years and today even in this age, I just want to hear that one note,
that one song you always write for me every year on my birthday! I am not
satisfied with those 35 songs, I want more, I yearn for more! It pains me to
not see you every minute lest I know how I spent these 6 months in a hospital
without you! Only I know how much I wanted to be discharged and be around you
all the time! Can’t you understand that? “
Kousalya’s love for Aravind,
started at a tender age of 19! She first saw him working in his farm adjacent
to theirs’. Plowing the entire 2 acres of land with a newly arrived machine, a
tractor, they said and explaining to all the workers in and around him how to
use it. His appearance, even though not great it was not bad too. He is not a
tall, handsome guy who can sweep girls off their feet but still some magic in
his voice and striking postures that he takes defines his charisma and his
skills in explaining the new things to people are interesting. Looking at him
for the first time she felt she has to follow him be with him wherever he went
and some intense affection towards him. Her feelings never went unnoticed by
her father. Even though how much ever she tried to suppress these new unnamed affectionate
ones that are pulling her towards Aravind.
Her father always wanted a
man who is as bright as Aravind, for her. He never wanted someone with loads
and loads of money as he feels they have more than sufficient and a person with
high headedness. This Aravind suited his requirement and his daughter’s actions
suggested that he should act fast to make an alliance. He did and Aravind asked
for five years to marry Kousalya. His
reasoning was that he wants to be a man who has an identity other than being an
extension of his father. Kousalya’s father agreed with his reasoning and the
alliance was fixed.
Kousalya always wondered why
would Aravind be so practical, so individualistic and so different from what
she is? Aravind never asked her to change her beliefs neither he practiced nor
participated in them. He wrote his first song for her on her 20th
birthday and it was the first gift for her from him. And when she requested him
to continue gifting her a song on every birthday of her he did exactly that.
Even though she requested him to sing for her on other occasions he just sang
the same song but never he wrote a new one for her except on her birthday! When
she asked why he did that he always opined that is what he wished for! Him
being a renowned poet, a writer of successful novels and mettle.. he should be
able to gift her a song every other night. But he never does that. He gifts her
all the expensive ones in the world, always heeds to her concerns, acts on her
demands still she never feels like he does everything she asks for. It is
always something he is comfortable with. Either she loves him so much that he
only asks him to do what he loves or he loves her so much that he does
something she wished for with utmost comfort. Never ever he tried to impress
her nor did he ask for her to impress him. Accepted her as she was. He always
fought with all his vigor with circumstances yet accepting them as they are.
At this point this very
nature of his is troubling her to the core. Doesn’t he want her to live with
him? Is he contempt with the days they had together? Why does she always feel
that she has to fight with him to push him to love her more? Why does he just
for once feel the same as she without her insistence?
Kousalya came out of her
thoughts as she heard a knock on her door and at the opposite there is the man
she loved…
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